6 years ago today. My then-girlfriend’s medical school friend (a derm PA) rolled my pants leg up to ‘take a look’ at a mutating freckle I was mildly concerned about. “Dude, you have cancer.” We were in the middle of a party full of medical professionals. We were supposed to go snowboarding in 12 hours. Instead, my ex, her friend, my best friend, and I drove to her dermatology clinic in Denver the next morning for a rush excision. The head doctor met us there and approved the procedure. Christine, the PA, did the excision. My ex (also a PA) did the prep work/helped stitch. My best friend made jokes while they cut a football out of my calf. The doctor came in a couple times. At one point, she said “has Christine explained to you what the ramifications of this might be?” I told her that I was starting to get the picture. I wouldn’t be formally diagnosed until a week later. Stage 3c metastatic melanoma. Another wide excision and a lymph node biopsy confirmed these. I’m still not entirely sure I understand the ramifications. It’s been 6 years, with a stage 4 recurrence last year. I’m in remission again, and my prognosis remains good in spite of my diagnosis. I can type that sentence and feel hope. I can point to my perseverance and optimism in the face of a shitty situation. I’m also weeping while I’m typing this sentence. I was fine writing the first part. I’ve told this story 1000 times. There are no rules to this game. I’ll never fully understand it. I don’t have to fully understand things to keep going; life rarely works that way. I thought this would be a fun anecdote to show how it started and I just walked myself down 6 years of “what the fuuuuck?” But a superfluous, semi-formal anniversary and a long text post aren’t to blame, either. This is what it’s like in my mind all the time. I’m sure I’m not alone in that regard as it relates to my experience with cancer. I had more points to make before my brain derailed this one. But it’s been a hell of a ride. I’m hopeful to keep living through memorable times, even if they’re not always amazing. #thankscancer #melanoma #mentalhealth
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